Love makes family

When did you know: We want to start a family – and how did your shared journey begin?

BJÖRN BEHR – In my early twenties, after my coming out, I had more or less buried the desire to have children. In my mind at the time, it was either being gay or starting a family. The two together hardly seemed possible in society.

CHRISTIAN BEHR – I, on the other hand, had a very natural desire to have a child. I simply put it in a drawer, stored it safely, but never forgot about it. One evening, I asked Björn quite directly: “Could you imagine taking in a foster child?”

BB – At first, I said no. The fear of taking a child into my heart and then having to let go again one day was simply too great. And yet, the question wouldn’t leave me alone. It set something in motion. I began to learn more about adoption, foster care, and how two men can become parents.

CB – And so our shared journey began, with many questions, conversations, doubts, and dreams. And with the firm conviction that love is always greater than any “you’re not allowed to.”

The processes were anything but easy. Mountains of forms, life stories, questionnaires, seminars, countless conversations. You lay your entire life open in front of people who barely know you. That time was exhausting, but also incredibly formative. We grew through it—both as a couple and as individuals.

How did your life change when Lukas moved in with you – and how did things change again with your young daughter?

BB – When Lukas moved in with us, our lives changed noticeably. In the past, many decisions revolved around careers, travel, or purchases. With a child in everyday life, those priorities shift automatically. We came to understand anew how valuable shared time is and how much joy lies in very ordinary moments.

Our story is meant to inspire others and show: Love makes a family.

CB – When Lukas tells us today what he wants to discover one day, or when we hear his laughter through the bedroom door, we know why we wanted all of this. With our daughter, our family life has expanded and deepened once again.

BB – Our home is no longer perfectly styled—and that no longer matters. We step over toys, step on LEGO bricks with bare feet at night, and wipe handprints off the windows much later than we used to. These traces show that life is being lived here.

What does “family” mean to you—beyond traditional role models?

CB – For us, family primarily means connection. It’s not about who is the “mother” or “father,” not about someone’s gender, nor about how a family is supposed to “look” according to society. For us, family exists wherever people take responsibility for one another.

We want to encourage other queer couples: a completely normal family life is possible. And we want to show that life with foster children can be beautiful. We don’t want to appear “special,” but rather self-evident.

What prejudices or clichés do you encounter in everyday life—and how do you deal with them?

BB – Prejudices still come up in our daily lives, sometimes very directly, sometimes subtly. Some people, for example, ask whether our children “miss a mother.” Others wonder who takes on the “mom role” in our family. Often there’s no ill intent behind it—just a lack of knowledge or outdated ideas about what a family is.

CB – We try to remain calm and explain that our children have two dads who love them, care for them, comfort them, and support them—just like any other family. Sometimes it hurts to have to explain again and again that we are “normal.” But we also notice that every encounter is an opportunity.

How do you divide tasks in everyday life?

BB – Our first impulse would be to say that Christian is more of the caregiver, the one who carries the routines and holds everyday life together, while I’m more of the adventurer—organizing, initiating, and drawing everyone outdoors. But we’ve learned that it’s not about splitting everything 50/50, but about finding a balance that feels right for both of us.

Your dog Anton is also part of the family. What role does he play in your life together?

BB – Anton was already there before we became parents. He was our “child on four paws.” You can tell that he senses how much has changed since our daughter moved in. He is curious, cautious, and always close to her—as if he simply wants to make sure everything is okay. For Lukas, Anton has long since become his best friend, listener, and playmate.

As long as our family model raises questions, we will continue to tell stories that connect rather than divide.We challenge clichés, break down prejudices, and stand up for tolerance, diversity, and acceptance.Family is where people choose one another—every single day. Our children don’t experience that they have two dads. They experience who comforts them, who laughs with them, who holds them and walks alongside them. Family is not a model you explain; it is a feeling you live. And love is what carries that feeling.

What values would you like to pass on to your children—and what do you wish for their future?

CB – We want our children to know that they are good just the way they are. That they don’t have to perform or please others in order to be loved. We hope they can walk their own path without constantly having to explain themselves. That they are surrounded by people who support them. And we wish for them to always have a place they can return to—our home.

What have been your greatest adventures—and what are the most beautiful small moments of everyday life?

BB – When we look back on the past few years, our greatest adventure was clearly the journey to our son—from the very first conversation at the youth welfare office to the moment he moved in with us. That time was intense, full of doubt, hope, and anticipation. And then there are the small moments that stay with you: a summer evening on our terrace. We were sitting there, each with a glass of wine, watching our son play in the sandbox with his Playmobil figures—completely absorbed, completely content. For us, those are the most beautiful adventures. The ones that happen right in the middle of everyday life.