A PLAYFUL WORLD

When a baby arrives, the worries seem to come too. How much of that is normal for parents?
Vitor Gatinho: That’s very individual, of course. When I become a mother or father, I first have to grow into that role while learning alongside the child. Since much of it is unfamiliar, this can naturally lead to worry and anxiety, especially in the beginning. Over time, people become more relaxed – but those early concerns are part of the process. They just shouldn’t become overwhelming.

Where do these fears come from, and how can we deal with them?
Vitor Gatinho: Every parent carries their own “backpack.” Of course, our upbringing and past experiences shape us. But if I approach parenting with a relaxed and optimistic mindset, that helps tremendously. As a parent, you must realize there isn’t just one right way to do things. Sometimes you have to let go of ingrained beliefs.

Is it the same for everyone?
Vitor Gatinho: Some people are naturally more cautious. Men and women who become parents later in life tend to be more anxious. That’s understandable – they’ve had more life experiences, both good and bad. Carefreeness often fades with age. I notice that in myself, too.

How should we handle outside opinions and unsolicited advice?
Vitor Gatinho: That’s not easy, because everyone has an opinion or “knows better.” And once you Google something, you’re bombarded with ten arguments for and ten against. Who do you believe? It’s easy to become overwhelmed. Many people can no longer distinguish between good and bad information online, especially on social media – they lack media literacy. The information overload can fuel anxiety. A TikTok video made by someone who’s not an expert shouldn’t be considered a reliable source.

So how do you navigate this jungle of information?
Vitor Gatinho: Choose two or three reliable sources you trust and check them regularly – doctors, public health institutions, that kind of thing. Jumping from one source to the next, like a squirrel collecting nuts, just confuses the algorithm and feeds you more of the same. You also need real-world sources you trust, like your pediatrician, who’s up to date. We all know the joke: if you Google a headache, you’ll end up planning your funeral. That’s the problem.

How do worries and fears affect children?
Vitor Gatinho: Children learn by example. Growing up in a highly anxious household can impact them. They may not be allowed to do certain things or may feel incapable of doing them – like climbing a tree a little higher. If you, as a parent, are aware of your own fears and don’t want to pass them on, you’ll need to work on yourself. In some cases, the other parent or grandparents can take the lead with certain activities.

What if children express their own fears – how should we respond?
Vitor Gatinho: That depends on their age. There are natural, development-related fears that are perfectly normal – like stranger anxiety around their first birthday or monsters under the bed during the “magical thinking” phase at ages three or four. Even brave kids experience this. What matters is that we guide them through their fear and help them feel safe. A toddler doesn’t have to go to someone’s arms if they don’t want to. Older kids can be asked how they want to deal with their fear – for example, the monsters under the bed. We often try to lecture children, but in doing so, we rob them of the chance to develop their own solutions and experience self-efficacy.

What about school-aged children?
Vitor Gatinho: First and foremost: all feelings are okay. But we tend to distract from uncomfortable emotions like anger, sadness, or fear. Fear is actually a good emotion. It warns us: “Hey, something might be tricky here.” Maybe it’s telling you to study a bit more for that test so you’ll feel more confident. Fear is a friend saying, “Look again.” Of course, fear can also become paralyzing – like causing a test-day blackout. When anxiety takes over, it’s time to seek professional therapy.

How can we build courage and trust in general?
Vitor Gatinho: The best way is to trust the child, let them try things, and resist the urge to constantly correct them. Children need to make their own experiences and learn from them. That’s how they build confidence that things will work out – and if not, Mom and Dad are still there. Parents are the backup, the safe harbor. If a child can make some decisions on their own, they experience self-efficacy. That’s a cornerstone of self-confidence.

GOODBYE, MYTHS!

There are lots of myths that cause anxiety – which ones need busting the most?
Vitor Gatinho: As soon as you have a baby, everyone has an opinion. “What? They’re not sleeping through the night yet?” “Still in diapers?” These topics can cause a lot of stress, especially early on. Society expects children to function. One of my favorite myths is: “Don’t spoil your baby.” Parents are almost shamed for being too loving. But no one would criticize a romantic couple for being affectionate – that’s seen as harmonious. With children, it’s different. And that’s absurd.

How can parents protect themselves from all this judgment?
Vitor Gatinho: Couples often think a lot about the best stroller, safest car seat, or perfect pediatrician. Of course, we want the best for our children. But too rarely do we talk about what values and parenting principles we want to follow. Will the baby sleep in our family bed, next to it, or in their own room? What are our personal beliefs – and what are our partner’s? These are conversations we should have early on. If you’ve had that discussion, you can stay grounded – even with well-meaning in-laws. When the baby arrives, many of us feel overwhelmed. That’s normal. Our brains are saturated and can’t absorb anything new.

In theory this all sounds great – but how do you handle it in real life?
Vitor Gatinho: Honestly? I don’t always manage it. (Laughs.) Not everything. I reach my limits too. When I’m exhausted and under pressure, I sometimes lose my temper and shout because I’ve run out of emotional capacity. The important part is reflecting afterward and acknowledging that it wasn’t okay – and explaining that to your child. If you made a mistake, a sincere apology means a lot. But not like: “Sorry I yelled, but you always…” It has to be an apology without a ‘but’ – otherwise, it doesn’t count.